When does It Stop?
by Smile.Freely
Summary: In the wake of the Boston Marathon Tragedies, Kate flashes back to September 11.


I can't stop thinking about the Boston Marathon tragedy today, and in my excitement for a new Castle Episode in a matter of minutes, this is what came into my head. My heart breaks for those involved and those hurting. Kate relives September 11 in the wake of the Boston Marathon tragedy. Please Please Please leave reviews. I would love to know what you think!

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"Castle, when does it stop?" Beckett begged from beside him at the precinct. Her eyes glued to the television. "When do people stop killing each other?" She repeated. The entire building was focused on one screen or another, and Castle was sure nobody would be watching him at that particular moment. He stepped forward and wrapped a protective arm around her shoulder that she didn't push away. He gave her arm a reassuring squeeze as she leaned into him ever so slightly.

"It never ends Kate," he affirmed for her. "Let's go home, the paperwork can wait for another day," he whispered into her hair. To his surprise she nodded in response and turned her attention away from the breaking news.

"Do you mind if we go to my place? I want to see Alexis," He asked as they stepped out onto the sidewalk in New York City.

"Of course," she responded giving him a slight smile. The ride back to the loft was quiet and thoughtful, exactly the way the world felt at that moment.

They had come to find Alexis and her grandmother perched at the TV watching in horror.

"Dad, I don't understand. They're just runners, and fans," Alexis told her Dad rushing into his arms. Castle didn't offer the silver lining that Kate expected, instead he mumbled an agreement into her hair, and held her close. Dinner was quiet and now they found themselves curled up on the couch, watching the news. Alexis and Martha had called it a night hours ago.

"For anyone in New York, these sort of things sting so badly," she whispered to him, her head laying on his shoulder. Castle didn't respond, but rubbed her arm as an answer. He knew what she was thinking, it was the same thing that everyone who lived in New York thought about when tragedies struck.

"Where were you Kate?" He asked softly, knowing that her somber response to the Boston Marathon bombing was deeper than the accidents of today.

"I was a beat cop," she told him, she hadn't had this conversation with any except her Dad, and even then, she spared him the details. Maybe this was her chance to share what she could with nobody else. "My partner and I were four blocks away when dispatch went crazy. I was only on the force for a few months, but I knew I had to do something. I did crowd control. We were running up when the towers went down." She told him, whispering a little. Castle gripped her a little tighter, but said nothing, knowing this was about her. Beckett's brown eyes never left the screen of Boston coverage, but Castle knew that she wasn't seeing it. She was lost in the past, a past nobody should have to remember.

"I froze when I saw that wall of dust coming at me. Andrews pulled me into a coffee shop when the dust and debris came rolling in. I remember feeling like I was going to throw up," she shivered. In Kate's mind she was back there, staring out the glass windows, stomach turning with fear. "We stayed in the coffee shop longer than we should have, when I went outside to help, there were bodies everywhere. You couldn't breathe in the ash and I was still blocks from ground zero. Andrews took off running and I remember following him, we just sprinting down what used to be a road, heading straight for the towers, just praying we could help." A tear trickled down her cheek and Castle resisted the urge to thumb it away. He could see her in her blue uniform, sprinting down the street, the ash sticking to her in perfect contrast to the dark polyester outfit. He could picture the ash in her hair, in her eye lashes. Castle choked back the tears as he realized that this woman, his Kate was one of the extraordinary ones who ran into the flames, into the destruction, into the danger. She ran in while everyone else was running away.

"I didn't stop running until I got to a police line set up. They were barking orders to anyone who listened so I got in line and took my orders from a captain I had never seen before. He pointed at me and told me to get people away as fast as I could before the other one went. I don't know how long it was or how many people Andrews and I grabbed and ran out of there, but it seemed like only seconds until I was diving into the back of a service van as the other building fell. The Earth shook Castle. The Entire city trembled as those buildings fell," She was crying harder now, Castle mused at her use of words. The city trembled both figuratively and literally. In fact, the entire country trembled.

"When I dove out of the back of the van and started running again, I couldn't find my partner. I remember thinking it was too early to be so dark outside and becoming aware that the dust and debris had drown out the sun. Everyone was bleeding Castle and I couldn't decide if I should look for Andrews or keep pulling people away. Ladies in suits, stumbling in heels with their faces covered by scarves and whatever they could find. Men using their ties to cover their mouths and I had to direct them to keep moving. They wanted to duck into any of the businesses they saw, but we didn't know if they'd be safe. The entire city was an eerie gray, contrasted by blood," Castle had never heard a story from someone he trusted like he did Kate, he often found himself wondering how much was embellished to make it more dramatic.

"There was a little girl Castle," she choked out. "She was probably eight or nine. She was curled up on the sidewalk, against a building." Kate swatted at the tears on her face. Castle took the opportunity to slip his other arm around her, and pull her smaller frame onto his lap. She nuzzled her face into the hollow of his neck and trembled as she kept talking. "I remember picking her up and trying to run, but I wasn't strong enough. I had to walk. She curled against me and clung so tight. I got her to the next police line and tried to hand her off to a medic, but she was dead Castle," she sobbed. "She died in my arms. The medic said she had inhaled too much debris and ash," Kate whispered. Castle hadn't noticed the tears streaming down his face. It had been 12 years since the attack, and it still felt like yesterday. He rubbed comforting circles across her back and waited for her to make the next move. If she was done talking than he would just hold her. If she wanted to continue, than he would listen.

"We went days without stopping. Rescue help would hand us water when we brought people to the checkpoints. I remember dusting off my badge and shoulder plates so people knew I was a cop. I remember being told to go home, but I didn't. How could I?" She looked up at him. Her eyes red with tears and dark with sorrow.

"Who could?" Castle responded for the first time.

"They'd hand us bottled water and I probably drank the top of fifty bottles but gave them all away. There were people coughing and spitting up debris and ash everywhere we looked." She shook her head at a memory that he wished he could see too. How much she had changed since that hard ass detective she was when he first met her. Maybe it wasn't 100% to do with her mother, maybe it had something to do with seeing what no person should ever have to. "I don't remember going back to the precinct. I just know that I found myself sitting on the floor of the stairwell, sobbing and coughing up debris. My partner was there, and we were ordered to go home. We were running on auto pilot and he said we would be more help with fresh legs. The city was at a standstill though so we showered in the locker room and curled up on the couches in the break room for a few hours before we went back out there."

"You're an amazing woman Kate," Castle whispered. How important she seemed in that moment was astounding to Castle. He felt very at awe for knowing and having the chance to love someone so remarkable. He kissed her forehead and brushed the hair out of her face.

"You don't feel remarkable, you feel helpless. You feel useless. It's like trying to stop a fire with the moisture from kiss," she whispered, her eyes staying shut. "When does it stop Castle?" She asked her question from earlier.

"I don't know if it ever well Kate," he told her. She wished he would have lied. Told her that it ends tomorrow, but that wasn't who he was. He was honest. "But it's people like you, that make it okay." She pulled back and looked at him. "People have to die so that others can be saved. People have to hurt one another so that charity and giving are considered a blessing. Buildings have to fall, so we remember how dangerous the world really is. And the innocent die so that we remember to cherish life. Nobody in those buildings deserved to die that way. And nobody at the Boston Marathon did either. But people like you, who risk it all to save one person are the reason that we keep going. Next year at the Boston Marathon, runners will cross the line safely because people like you are standing guard. Families are whole tonight, years after the September 11 attacks because people like you ran in, when everyone else ran out. The entire country was rallying behind you and every other person there to help. Military, Firefighters, Medics, and Civilians. Those are the people who make life worth living. We don't have to live in fear Kate because of people like you." Maybe it was the writer in him, but somehow he always knew what to say, and Kate found solace in his words. She curled up against him and sighed.

Castle was right, it is the tragedy in the world that helps us to see the good.


End file.
